THE DISASTROUS ENGAGEMENT THAT QUICKLY FOUND ITS END

My family bought property outside a little fishing village called San Felipe,  about a four-hour drive from San Diego. This small quaint town is home to 18,000 people and the world desert championship for off-road vehicles. There is tons of land available in gated communities if you are interested in building a home and options to buy a new one. The area is exceptionally laid back. There is not much going on most of the time, aside from when people come to the races. I loved it, but you would have to work online or be independently wealthy to live here. Ensenada, Mexicali, and Tijuana are relatively close to San Felipe if you need to do city runs. It’s a great spot if you are into the simple life. Not too many people and very few tourists during most of the session. If you love seafood, there is no shortage of that. A lot of people in San Felipe make a living fishing. Baja California wouldn’t be my first choice, but many people love it as property costs are pretty low, and many opportunities exist to build. I prefer southern Mexico, more specifically, the Caribbean coast. There are no cenotes in Northern Mexico, and the climate is a desert. The Baja is very popular with Americans because it is so close, great for easy short trips if you live in California. I rarely swim in the ocean, so having Cenontes as an option to swim in freshwater caves is a must.

My father invited my sister and me for a family vacation. This gated community has a pool, tennis court, and a small store. There were security guards at both entrances around the clock. The property is located just outside the town, off the highway, about 15 minutes. The next day, we all went into town for supplies. I was on the hunt for weed. I met a group of guys just outside the grocery store. I had very little Spanish then, as this was about eight years ago. Through my broken Spanish, I was able to communicate to them I was looking to buy weed. People tell me I take a lot of risks. For that reason, I would not recommend this approach to you. Instead, ask someone you know who you can trust. You may have made local friends, which is a better approach. Or have you met other ex-pats who live in the area? Keep in mind unlike in Canada, weed is illegal. I don’t recommend anyone partaking in illicit activities while travelling. You could become a target if you fail to follow the country’s laws. For the most part, everyone treats tourists exceptionally well. Tourism is many people’s livelihood in Mexico, especially in touristy areas. The only thing you usually have to worry about is the fluctuating price tags. It will take a while to get used to what things cost, so if you are not living there, you will likely get overcharged. I can tell you one thing: no matter where you are in Mexico, a bag should cost you around 200 pesos or less.

One of my new friends in this village was exceptionally cute. I couldn’t understand what he was saying most of the time; this aided him in maintaining a mysterious persona. We became quite fond of each other, aside from having a communication handicap. I took my return flight back to Canada with my family. Diego and I kept in contact while I was away. I returned to San Felipe about a month later to stay; this would be my first time moving to Mexico. Diego was a few years younger than me. He rode a dirtbike and lived dangerously. He wasn’t involved with the cartel per se but was a self-employed gangster. However, he knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to get it. Falling for the wrong guys has been something I’ve become accustomed to. I seem to be good at finding the crazy ones. But if I’m being honest, many people struggle with trauma and are unaware of how to move past it; men, in particular, often turn to anger as a safe place to avoid dealing with their issues. It is too bad that there is a stigma around getting therapy. It is often seen as weak, and people tend to have a negative outlook on seeking professional help. This is a massive problem in our society. The world needs therapy, no matter who you are; no doubt you have had to deal with some trauma in your life. The way most people deal with it is not at all. Unfortunately, the ones you love the most are the people who bear the brunt of your issues. I believe it is not your trauma that defines you but how you overcome it that does. If more people become self-aware and at least take ownership of their shit, the world would be a better place.

Our relationship evolved quickly from lust to love. It was like summer break that never stopped. I was walking on a cloud; nothing could go wrong. It felt like that forever kind of love, where it would be a crime ever to part ways. We left San Felipe and decided to move to Cabo San Lucas. We got a killer little pad five blocks from the action with a mango tree in the front yard. I don’t know if you have ever experienced washing your clothes on a washboard before, but it is very time-consuming. After enduring this a few times, I started bringing mine to the Lavanderia. It is cost-efficient, and they even fold it for you. We paid $200 a month for this space, which is excellent for the location. These deals won’t be found online, especially if you are not searching in English. The best way to find cheap places to rent is on foot or by word of mouth. It also helps considerably when your boyfriend is Mexican. Anyway, we were living in this place for about three months. Diego starts talking about making me his wife and buying a ring. I know what you’re thinking; what can I say? I was a fool for love. Ignoring red flags was a favourite pastime of mine. Also, I’ve been holding on tight to that fairy tale love. I do not regret giving this relationship the shot it deserved. Although, I would never recommend anyone to have a relationship with someone who speaks an entirely different language. Relationships are already extremely tough. If you don’t have to add extra bullshit, it’s probably best. It is hard to know where the other person is coming from and resolve problems when you speak the same language. Arguing in Spanglish is not adequate by any means. Fights would last hours using translators to try and get through to each other. Diego eventually developed a very unhealthy obsession with me. He tried to deter me from going to work or doing much outside our home without him.

I was working at a local tattoo shop five days a week. Diego’s work was here and there and could have been more consistent. Diego started to get jealous of the people I worked with; he would say I want to hang out with the tattoo guys. This was an utterly ludicrous accusation, as I was merely trying to make a living. By this point in our relationship, we were now engaged. He had proposed to me after just six months of dating. He commanded that I spend more and more time with him. Shortly after, he began discussing his need to start a family and wanting to have a child. At this point, I continued to ignore the signs this relationship was doomed. I tried to lean into that passionate love part of our relationship. But a few weeks later, we started arguing more often, mostly about his jealousy. He had so much inner work he let his insecurities get the best of him. He wanted me to quit my job and suggested I stay home. This man’s head was so messed up that I could have done nothing for him. I cheated one time in my entire life, and I immediately told my boyfriend about it. Ironically, this relationship didn’t end because of relentless jealousy. Being insecure because a parent rejected you is so incredibly common. I’ve seen this in past partners and some of my friends.

I am not the kind of person to take kindly to being bossed around. I denied his requests and said I would continue living as I saw fit. One night, he was in a rage, yelling at me, proclaiming I had plans to be unfaithful. Charged towards the window and smashed it, swearing in Spanish. I tried to calm him down and protested that he didn’t need to worry. But this pain had deep roots in Diego’s struggle with confidence and self-love. He grabbed a knife and started stabbing the wall, screaming. All of a sudden, my fairy tale turned into a horror movie. It was late, maybe one in the morning at this point. I began to pack my stuff immediately; there was no way for me to dilute the situation. As I packed, the fight dragged on. We denounced our love for each other, throwing our wedding bands in a rage. I had dealt with jealousy in the past, but nothing like this. My whole castle came crashing down; I was devastated and heartbroken. I moved out that night and went to stay at my girlfriend’s place. Dealing with heartbreak is never easy, but I will always walk this earth with an open heart and clear mind, allowing others to show me who they are. I refuse to carry past trauma into new relationships, and I will choose love every time.

About a month later, I returned to Canada. Immediately after I left Cabo, Hurricane Odile devastated the city, being the most powerful to strike the Baja California peninsula of Mexico. Many people’s businesses and homes sustained horrific damage. Roughly 135 people suffered injuries from the disaster, but there were no recorded deaths. When I returned home, I learned that I had become pregnant. After much consideration, I decided that having a baby wasn’t the right choice at the time. Not to mention, I would be on my own financially and unable to collect child support. I am for freedom of choice; having a child is a huge undertaking. It is your body; you should do what you think is best. Although this was the right decision for me, I urge anyone in this situation to think long and hard about ending a pregnancy. I have heard of some women experiencing problems with mental health after the fact. If you or someone you know is going through a similar situation, reaching out to friends and family is essential. If this isn’t an option, support lines and counsel are available to women, couples, and families. You don’t have to go through it alone.