IN LOVE WITH A RUTHLESS PSYCHOPATH

About six years ago, I moved to Australia. I was looking forward to a year, potentially two-year visa. Almost immediately, I crossed paths with some unique humans from New Zealand. They are the most genuine, lovely people I ever met. When I spent time with them, it felt like home. I still think of them often, though we are worlds apart. I quickly attained work at a tattoo shop in Fremantle called Five Star Tattoo. The owner and his son are a riot. It was the most pleasant experience I’ve had working in a shop. Everyone there was super rad and talented. If you are ever in Perth, definitely check them out. Everything was great; I worked at a wicked shop and rented a room from an old boomerang salesman/ artist. It worked out great! Although eccentric and sometimes indifferent, he was a weirdo, and I enjoyed sharing his space. It was a three-bedroom vintage house with a lovely backyard. It was close enough to my work that I could bike most days, aside from the days that reached temperatures over forty degrees.

This is where my dream vacation slowly morphed into a different animal. Everyone you meet is either a lesson or a blessing. I met someone and stayed in Perth instead of checking out the Gold Coast. I noticed early on in the relationship my new friend was an alcoholic. For most of the relationship, this only posed a problem for him. I was worried about his drinking and consistently encouraged him to slow down. I had moved out of Fremantle to be closer to my friends and now transformed my girlfriend’s garage into a living space. They had a young child and welcomed the extra income, renting their garage out. It doesn’t get cold in Perth, and I don’t mind the heat for the most part. Quinn eventually moved in with me after five and a half months of dating. It wasn’t much, but it was cheap. Sometimes, we would pull the bed out and sleep under the stars (with a mosquito net, naturally). The first part of our relationship was lovely, romantic and exciting. Quinn is a charmer, and I fell deeply in love with this man. One night, he decided to drink a whole bottle of whiskey. At this point, we were about six months into the relationship. Living together was still new. He became increasingly upset that night over nothing until he started yelling at me. He screamed, “What we were even doing.” From my perspective, it didn’t make sense. I had asked him if he wanted to go steady months prior. I had no idea before this point he didn’t understand the phrase’s meaning. We spent a lot of time together, and nothing about our relationship translated to being casual. I thought we were together in a committed relationship. I had no idea he was unclear about what we are. He picked me up and hurled me across the room into a cement wall as if I were a rag doll. Sheer adrenaline brought me to my feet in seconds. He picked up a drill and started chasing after me. I ran over to the neighbours and asked them to call the police. Quin proceeded to begin taking my things.

As he got into his vehicle, I managed to get between him and the door. When I tried to reach for my computer, he grabbed my chest and twisted it down to guide me away. I cracked him in the nose with my phone and grabbed my laptop. A chase pursued around the truck with it locked, back and forth around the vehicle. He must unlock it to get in again, which will open all the doors. He unlocks it and tries to drive off with my backpack quickly. I opened the back passenger door and grabbed my bag as he sped away. I can only assume that he had spotted the cops at this point. But he managed to leave only minutes before the cops showed up.

Australia takes domestic abuse very seriously. The police were on the scene within five minutes; they brought me to the station to file a police report. They found Quin while I was finishing at the station. I told them I wasn’t pressing charges; I just wanted to be safe. It was the scariest, most traumatizing situation I’ve ever been through. So the police let him go under one condition. He did not come within three hundred feet of the property. Failure to do so on his part means he would face charges from the crown. I spent the night in the house’s living room, for there was no longer a padlock on the garage door.

I might have got about one hour of sleep despite my crippling anxiety. The police returned about three hours after I got home. The cops were walking around with flashlights, and the light flashed over my eyes through the front window, which woke me up. I was terrified, sure that he had returned, in a rage. The police knocked on the door. I ran to my roommate’s room and banged on her door. They knocked again but said, “It’s the police, open up! I stopped and reminded myself that I needed air inside my lungs. I went and opened the door; they informed me his truck had been spotted in front of the property. The shop was only a block from the house, so they drove by to ensure everything was fine. They told me they believed he fled to the park across the street and had dogs tracking him down as we spoke. Shortly after, he was arrested and brought to jail. This was the only condition he had to follow, and he could have avoided being imprisoned by simply asking for a police escort to retrieve his things. He was now facing charges from the crown for not following his conditions for release.

Experiencing physical abuse from someone you love is just the tip of the iceberg; mental abuse is what keeps people in it. He had me; I was in love and let him in again despite what he did. I believe in second chances, but I don’t think it applies to something as serious as this. I forgave him, and he made me think he could do better. Quin’s mother posted his bail by putting her vehicle as collateral. At this point, work was slow. I knew I needed to find a way to make money quickly. I wanted to believe him that things would be okay. We started living together again, and there were little hints that his demons would likely surface again soon. I started pretending everything was normal and tried not to upset him. During this time, I figured out a way to get out fast. I got a second job and pulled together enough money to leave.

When it was time to flee the country, I purged enough things to be down to two suitcases, a carry-on, and my backpack. I sent my car to the wrecker and boarded a flight to Greece. To add insult to injury, I was robbed on the train when I arrived in Athens. They took my wallet from my bag without me noticing. If you are taking transit in Greece, hold on to your bags and have your wallet tucked away in a safe place that will be hard for pickpockets to get at. If you appear to look like a tourist, you will be targeted. There are several tricks they can pull, so be alert and cautious. Thieves have been known to cut open the bottoms of bags or bump you around while you are exiting the train to pick your pockets without you noticing before it’s too late. It is usually a sting operation and a group of thieves targets you. The lady I was renting from came to the rescue and retrieved me from the train. Let me tell you, attempting to be frugal with three suitcases is a farce. Not to mention most of the streets in Athens are cobblestone. I still don’t know how I managed.

I was under the impression at the time I wasn’t being stalked. The charges from the crown prohibit the person from leaving the country before their court date. I posted on social media that I had arrived in Athens. Quinn contacted me a few days later and told me he was in Greece. You can imagine the terror that engulfed me, learning he had followed me. I attempted to stop all communication again and refrained from posting anything on social media. I made plans to move on to the next place as soon as possible. Flying within Europe can be extremely cheap if you don’t have luggage. So, if you plan on a trip to Europe, pack light! I met this unbelievable lady who didn’t speak English at a pub by my air BnB. Despite the language barrier, we became friends, and she let me stay with her. I gave her half of my belongings and took the next plane out of there. You can fly around Europe for pennies if you only have a personal item. When you have luggage, the price goes up drastically. My flight at the last minute, not including checked luggage, was around 70 euros.

I arrived in Paris and started looking for work. If you plan to go to Paris to work, you must apply for a visa before leaving your country of residence. You cannot work if you don’t have your paperwork. They are extremely strict on this point. You won’t even be able to get a nanny job at someone’s house without them, so it is a good idea to make sure that’s in order before you set out on your trip. So, I tried stripping. I did one stage dance, more like a topless hip-hop dance, because I had no idea what I was doing. That night, I made negative eight euros as they made me pay for my drink. The boss told me that you only make money by doing private shows. I have been a patron of many strip clubs across North America; I have never seen one where people don’t throw money on stage (except for this one). So I figured this wasn’t the job for me, and I walked out after about an hour of starting my shift. I was dead broke and couch-surfing at this point. Things looked bleak, and I had consistently been in survival mode for at least three months. Finally, I had no choice but to reach out to the family to get back to Canada. If you are a foreigner and there are any charges against you, Canada will not let you enter the country. Unfortunately, returning home did not end the harassment. He exhausted every effort to bring me down, including sending countless emails to tattoo shops in Vancouver and slandering my name as an artist. He stole my photos from social media and made fake accounts and advertisements. This abuse went on for two years after I arrived back in Canada. I’m still beside myself at the amount of effort and time he put into messing with me. Mental abuse is no joke! It took me a year and a half of hard work and personal growth to regain my sanity and confidence. I never thought something like this could happen to me in a million years. I am a strong, independent woman, But it did, and it could happen to you, too. It is essential to watch for signs of this to avoid these toxic people. I always thought, well, why don’t they leave them then if the person is an asshole? Unfortunately, this is not as easy as it sounds. People who exhibit this kind of behaviour are usually brilliant at manipulating the person they are with through gaslighting and mental abuse. Even the strongest person can fall victim to this type of behaviour.

If you are involved with an abusive partner, I hope this story gives you the strength to get out or, at the very least, seek help. I know that abused victims rarely reach out, continuing in the relationship out of fear. It took me a couple of years after the harassment stopped to even speak up about it. I was scared to talk openly for a long time. I decided to share my story to encourage other women in abusive relationships to see they deserve better and find the courage to speak up about their experiences. I was living in fear that he would come after me again if I were to stir the pot. Well, I’m not scared now! Even if my story helps one woman, it will have been worth it. This man’s name is Quinton Neighbor, and he is a bricklayer. Watch out for this asshole! His baby’s mama has a restraining order against him, and as far as I know, he is only able to talk to his son over the phone. I can only imagine the number of other women he has assaulted.

I have been cautious in my dating life since and have not experienced physical abuse again. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I no longer hold on to any hatred and worked through the pain and anger. Holding on to resentment and hatred means you haven’t fully let it go. This is a crucial step to rise above and forgive the person, as it will set you free. It took me a long time to realize this is an integral part and won’t come easily. It takes a great deal of work and understanding to acknowledge this behaviour stems from something much more profound and has nothing to do with you. Once you come to this understanding, you will finally feel at peace. I have always struggled with self-love, much like many people. This is also part of what draws this into your life. If you subconsciously tell the universe you are not worth it, you won’t be. Vibrate at a higher frequency, and the world has no choice but to bring someone who matches it. It is really that simple. Even starting with small things like washing your face twice daily, putting on lotion, drinking less, smoking less, or morning affirmations. Whatever it is, baby steps are better than no steps at all. I think almost everyone can be better at loving themselves. So, whatever that looks like for you, I encourage you to do anything right now for yourself. Thanks for reading.